59/365 Bittersweet

8. It is the antithesis to Lexi's 5. 3 years ago I used it as a way of consoling myself, helping me cling to the belief that I had more time. While I knew that 8-10 was only an average it somehow felt distant and reassuring. 8-10 gave me 3 years to fight. 3 years for a cure to be found. 3 years before I had to deal with a loss that was too unthinkble for words. It's funny how 3 years can go by so quickly.

Today I awoke, sang happy birthday to my little girl and watched a radiant smile spread across her face. She always loved birthdays. It didn't matter if it was hers, she just loved to celebrate. Birthdays to Tatyanna were bigger than Christmas. I could feel the breath catch in my throat and the all to familiar sting of emotion that refused to be quelled. Summoning all the strength I possessed, I somehow managed to keep my voice cheerful and demeanor upbeat. She deserved for this day to be awesome.

And then, as the day wore on and birthday emails and facebook well wishes came pouring in from all over the world and fellow students presented her with cards that they had crafted with care, I could feel my spirits lift. Buoyed by the collective sense of love and humbled with gratitude I was left in awe at just how much people care for my girl. Tears that were once tinged with a sense of bitterness and loss now ran sweet and as I tucked her into bed I felt a sense of peace. Today was a good day indeed.